Insane in the membrane, insane in the brain

Really.

My brain has a hernia.

It's too big for my skull.

It's trying to get out through my spine.

It's HUGE!

I did end up having a reason to be nervous about my MRI. I don't have an aneurysm. I don't have a tumor. (In my head this is said in an Arnold voice.) But once again, I do have something weird.

I have been diagnosed with a chiari 1 malformation of the cerebellar tonsil. Which means the lowest part of my brain presses down into the spinal column. Or another way to describe this is that I have brain hernia.

It is a congenital disorder that doesn't show up in most people until they are in their early 30's. Next step is that I visit a neurologist to check out how well my spinal fluid flows. If the flow of fluid isn't affected by the malformation, then my doctor and I will watch my symptoms and treat any of them with my current migraine treatment. However, if the malformation does affect the flow, then I will require some surgery. I'm just thankful right now that it isn't something that's going to make my brain explode.

So now, every time my head hurts, it grosses me out a little to think that it's because my brain has pushed itself down my spinal canal. There is something so gross about that. I touch the base of head and just can't help but think I'm almost touching my brain. And I'm overly conscious of my head hurting now too.

But it explains a lot of things, the word mix up (when I repeatedly think the right word and say the wrong one), the headaches, weird hearing loss after sex. Marc's sister thought this was hilarious. "Ha! You orgasm and lose your hearing! That is so funny." I thought everyone did.

I can't complain. God put me together this way and gave me super parents. Obviously they were so smart together, my brain was just too big for my skull! And no matter what, I can deal with it.

Brains, jobs

I love what I do at the new job. I'm the secretary at the hs. One of three and the one who gets the least glamorous jobs; scanning lunch cards, creating lunch reports, calling subs, covering the middle school. But I really like it. More than being a para. Right now though, I miss the people I worked with at the es. I really miss them. It was like working with an entire group of sisters. I miss them bunches. Almost more than I miss seeing the kids everyday at work. It's not the same.

The new job has WAY too many people old enough to be my parents. However, unlike MY parents, they have older attitudes, older ways. I'm a fluffy pair of marabou slippers in a penny loafer closet. But, I refuse to take it so seriously. No matter what.

I even miss the whining.


As for the brain, I got another migraine last sunday. A huge explosive migraine. A migraine that resulted in tears and some really funky hearing loss last week. This resulted in several things, a trip to the doctor, Marc saying he was "marc-alicious" a la fergie and would require a Surgeon General's warning tattooed on his hip (you can guess what we were doing when the headache erupted). The trip to the doctor got me my very own MRI. Marc just got a laugh.

I won't know what is wrong with me, if anything until tomorrow or friday. Since I'm home right now and not in some hospital bed recovering from surgery, it must not be that bad. This however doesn't meant that I'm not tired or weepy or just plain scared. I am. Alot. And right now, I just want to stay and bed in cry for days and days.

Eye twitch

Thank the dear sweet Lord, I only have one more day. My eye started twitching sunday and hasn't stopped. The kids will say something annoying and it starts all over again. Logan opens his mouth and it twitches. And I have a migraine to top it all off.

New jobness

I start, at least part time tomorrow. I'm excited and nervous and I am counting down the days until I leave.

It's been easier this week. The fourth grade has a music program Thursday so they spend most of the morning practicing. This gets me out of an extra forty minutes of math torture. But it's back to normal Friday and then only three more days of math. Hooray!

I will be sad though. I'll miss my favorite 5th grade class. But they'll see me everyday next year and I'll get the opportunity to really see them become people. That's probably the most exciting part. I had fifth grade last year, but this is really my first almost all year class. They are so incredibly funny and they have such kind spirits. Unlike some of the others, they don't have a bunch of infighting cliquey girls.

Counting down the days

I'm counting down the days until I leave. My last day as a para is the 14th. Hooray!