I have a BA in bitch today. BA also stands for my bad attitude. And I have no one to blame but myself. Work is fine, but a little dull. But what can I expect, 5th grade was fun the first time around. It loses it's gloss at 32.
I've let housework go, lost my wedding ring again, blown off someone's idea that was a really goo one because I didn't want to deal with the logistics of it, and told someone else if they didn't like it they could quit. I have apology calls to make and a house to clean. I just needed a vent.
Bad attitude, you can just go and bring my happy optimistic one back.
August 31, 2006
August 21, 2006
21 Jump street
I loved him then and I love him now. I've got Johnny Depp Lust. Why oh why, does he have to be so DAMN HOT?! I could ask Marc to grow his hair out and dye his hair that gorgeous chocolate brown, but it would be like sugar free chocolate. If I still had a locker, it would be covered in Depp. I'd plaster him on my walls, but that' s real mature. As mature as Johnny Depp underwear.
Explain to me why as I get older, the older guys in film are more beautiful than the young ones? Why is it that when I'm out I see more older men that are attractive than young men? Is it the money? The power? The air of maturity? What?
Oh wait, maybe I'm just getting older. Besides, I'm too tired lately for a 20 year old. HA!
Explain to me why as I get older, the older guys in film are more beautiful than the young ones? Why is it that when I'm out I see more older men that are attractive than young men? Is it the money? The power? The air of maturity? What?
Oh wait, maybe I'm just getting older. Besides, I'm too tired lately for a 20 year old. HA!
August 16, 2006
Guess what happened at my house!
Laundry spontaneously washed itself. With soap and everything! What the hell!?
Decker STARTED a load of laundry without me having to say ANYTHING!
Decker STARTED a load of laundry without me having to say ANYTHING!
August 08, 2006
Late
It's late.
Again.
And I'm morose, again. Maybe it's just the moon, or that school is starting and where I was ready last week, today....It's too soon.
Maybe it's the widow books.
Lost women widowed early, finding and falling in new love through their grief. Good, well written books. But what would it really be like to be them? Doesn't help that they are my age.
It was easier when I was into horror. Now it's women writers with well turned phrases, books set in the south. Well, except for 4 Blondes. That was a New York setting and I couldn't finish it. Bleah. Not because of the setting, but her writing.
And I'm reading voraciously again. Books devoured in hours, trying things from the library I wouldn't have read last year:
Again.
And I'm morose, again. Maybe it's just the moon, or that school is starting and where I was ready last week, today....It's too soon.
Maybe it's the widow books.
Lost women widowed early, finding and falling in new love through their grief. Good, well written books. But what would it really be like to be them? Doesn't help that they are my age.
It was easier when I was into horror. Now it's women writers with well turned phrases, books set in the south. Well, except for 4 Blondes. That was a New York setting and I couldn't finish it. Bleah. Not because of the setting, but her writing.
And I'm reading voraciously again. Books devoured in hours, trying things from the library I wouldn't have read last year:
- Catsitters
- Good Grief
- Hissy Fit (really, really good)
- Little bitty Lies
- The Second coming of Lucy Hatch
So many books, all the same. Sort of. I really liked Hissy Fit by Mary Kay Andrews and the Second Coming of Lucy Hatch by Marsha Moyer. (Now I find out she has a second one that I have to find The Last of the Honky-Tonk Angels. Explains some of the set up in the first book now.)
But I digress. I'm morose today. The kids get older, a little more responsible, a little more independent. Somedays I'm just not ready for them to slip through my hands like sand. Others I can't wait for them to get older.
Arina straightened her skirt out the other day and instantly she was twenty getting dressed. Today she was swimming in the tub with a million barbies. Growing up is hard to do some days and hard to watch others. Beautiful, but hard to watch.
I miss the babies they were sometimes. Easy to hold and talk to too, today they're turning into people, doing the slow slide into puberty where they may come out liking me on the other side or I may never see them again from one ill-spoke, misunderstood word. I think I'm the one who grows more than they do. When did I get old enough to have a fourth grader? I remember being 9 like it was last year.
Enough with the weeping for tonight. Too many tears shed and I'll miss their littleness flying past me. Damn you unnecessary, ticking biological clock. I'm done damn you, shut up.
August 02, 2006
Classes
I got to find out early which teacher the kids have. Except for Logan, for some reason he's not in the school's system.
I'm happy with Decker's teacher. She's strict, but mellow and will be good for him. Arina got Decker's first grade teacher, Mrs. Keller. I was kind of hoping she'd get Logan's teacher, but Mrs. Keller is great with the kids too.
And I got my assignment and know who I'll be working with, but not my new pay rate. Maybe the dreams will end and I'll feel better.
Tomorrow will be fun, lots of shopping and Sarah's cutting and dying my hair. I just haven't decided how she's cutting it yet. I'm thinking shorter and choppy, but I'm not sure.
I'm happy with Decker's teacher. She's strict, but mellow and will be good for him. Arina got Decker's first grade teacher, Mrs. Keller. I was kind of hoping she'd get Logan's teacher, but Mrs. Keller is great with the kids too.
And I got my assignment and know who I'll be working with, but not my new pay rate. Maybe the dreams will end and I'll feel better.
Tomorrow will be fun, lots of shopping and Sarah's cutting and dying my hair. I just haven't decided how she's cutting it yet. I'm thinking shorter and choppy, but I'm not sure.
It's official
I'm neurotic. It's approaching one and all I can think about is my damn desk at work.
I had this dream, well, more of a nightmare really where my desk was the only one missing from my classroom. Everyone else's was still there.
I've had nightmares off and on all summer about work. It's mostly because I was unsure if they would still need me and also because we are getting two new teachers in the IRC class where I am a para. Both of them are great teachers, but occasionally I will get nervous about these things.
Funny thing is, the para in the other IRC class said she had a nightmare where all the desks were missing. Weird that we'd both freak out about the same things.
Damned if I didn't walk into my class today and my desk was missing. I freaked out. Really, not kidding. I'm still freaked out. However, it turns out it was only put in the wrong spot. Everything was put back odd after the carpets were cleaned. Desks in odd spots, wrong chairs. But here I am and I can't wait to go in and move it around. It's all I can think about. Damn dreams.
I had this dream, well, more of a nightmare really where my desk was the only one missing from my classroom. Everyone else's was still there.
I've had nightmares off and on all summer about work. It's mostly because I was unsure if they would still need me and also because we are getting two new teachers in the IRC class where I am a para. Both of them are great teachers, but occasionally I will get nervous about these things.
Funny thing is, the para in the other IRC class said she had a nightmare where all the desks were missing. Weird that we'd both freak out about the same things.
Damned if I didn't walk into my class today and my desk was missing. I freaked out. Really, not kidding. I'm still freaked out. However, it turns out it was only put in the wrong spot. Everything was put back odd after the carpets were cleaned. Desks in odd spots, wrong chairs. But here I am and I can't wait to go in and move it around. It's all I can think about. Damn dreams.