October 20, 2005

I have my friends again.

I have my friends again. My heartsong, young forever friends of youth.

One is missing however. It's been almost a year since she passed away, the burdens of life finally wearing on her frailty. But she was loved and knew she was loved. My regret is the losing touch with her. She and I weren't as close as others of our group, but she still wove part of the song that makes up my life. The question I wonder is how did I touch her life? Did she bead because of me? What selfish thoughts I have when I should be thinking about her. But I digress. Through her and the loss of her, we have found each other again. Found each other and putting the pieces we have of each other back in their rightful places.

When she left us, I emailed everyone saying that I never knew we were dandelions, scattered in the wind. I think I was wrong about that though. We aren't scattered by the wind at all. We were just sitting alone in the dark. Afraid of telling our fiends of the things we'd done, how we'd changed, seen bits of the world, gained insights and weight. We were afraid that the people we had become wouldn't be good enough or loved like we were when we were young.

We were wrong. I didn't know how much I had missed each of them until we started the "conversation" again. It's like I can touch them even though we are scattered across North America.

So last night, finally almost feeling like my old self, I donned my cape and went out into the wild fall night.

The moon came out from behind the rain clouds. It was strange because part of the sky was clear while the rest was cloudy and filled with lightning. But I am whole again and the night is wild.

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