April 05, 2005

What a whiner. Good grief.

-What a whiner I am. Wah wah wah Jen. Tough for you. (From 2010 Jen to 2005 Jen)

This weekend was tiring. So was last week, come to mention it. After kindergarten screening, we had another meeting on Friday about our oldest child. He was tested for the gifted program and also for some behavioral issues. Turns out he is really smart, but not smart enough for the gifted program. He does however show some signs of Asperger's Syndrome. This was just the psychologist's opinion. The actual tests later this spring will tell us if that's really what it is, or it's just some weird personality quirks.

I don't think I've ever felt so wrung out. I ended up throwing myself on the floor and bawling at the unfairness of it all. My child doesn't deserve this, he has enough. As for all of you out there thinking that God doesn't give you more than you can handle, phht to you. I say he does give you more, just to see how well you do. That's why these things are tests.

However that started me thinking that maybe I had Asperger's. I spent two days thinking there was something wrong with me too and it was all my fault. More weeping. Marc almost laughed at me. He told me I'm just scared over the change from being an at home mom to a working one. Later I laughed at myself too, as did one of my other friends.

"You, autistic? You've got to be kidding." Followed by laughter.

I think it was just stress over my baby amplified by the anticipation of only one year of school and the transition to ALL the kids in school. Now suddenly, I won't be the same me I've been for the last few years. I'm starting a period of change and right now I feel like I have be dragged there kicking and screaming.

To top this stuff off, yesterday Marc informs me he's going to Cedar at 5 that evening and I needed to pack his bags, I had a project due, two upcoming tests (today & wed), homework due by noon (forgot that one!), a messy house, class and the kids art show (skipped helping, but went later on). All of the previous had to be done before 2:30.

Yesterday was a day of no breath. Today is much better. I have grip on reality finally so today is mostly calm and I can handle whatever my baby is going to need.

So bring it on, I'm ready for more.

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